I think I spent too much life ignoring myself. Truthfully, for much of my life I lacked an element of sincerity because I always wanted my story to be bigger than it was. In kindergarten, for instance, I lied about sliding down the fireman pole during a field trip to the fire station. There are many other instances proving my need to be bigger than I was. I relate much of my need to a pretty knocked out confidence issue in light of my handicap Spina Bifida. It's sad to reveal these things because as I do, one must also realize how many ways I've been blessed in the family I grew up with, the amazing wife I've privileged to be with, and the friends I enjoy and love. But most of all Spina Bifida has blessed me and others! What about my blessings did I need to be bigger than they were--a question for the ages I suppose? Before you get all boo-hoo and break out the mini-violin, let me assure you that I'm not writing anything to get it off my chest. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I don't...that sort of describes human kind. All I wanted you to know is that I had so often wanted a story that was bigger than myself that I wasn't aware of who I had become and how great of a life that meant for me. I became a gullible pushover...loveable but gullible...wicked effin gullible. But in the mean time I played ball, sang in choirs, traveled the country...good good stuff.
It's taken awhile, but these days I wake up in the morning and I want to be Rick, that's it. It's not like that happened just yesterday. My eyes have been more open for years now. As Rick I can sit down and write some poetry, lick up some Whiskey, sip some Wine, I can mentor people, build a deck, I can enjoy great things with my friends, I can try to start a business, ride a bicycle or scooter or motorcycle, I can play guitar, I can study Scripture, tell a few jokes and I can roll a little cookie dough. Some days, I wake up and I'm lazy, I can't think straight, I'm sore and a little pissed off. I'm not necessarily good with that, but I wake up me.
Today I used up a little gas and took a cool motorcycle ride. Not everything works right for me. Sometimes I feel like a curse and sometimes a blessing. But a little motorcycle ride opens my world right up.
Last September Monique and I vacationed in Yellowstone. We woke up each morning and discovered the true meaning of honesty. All we had to do was spread our arms and be thankful.
I'm a lot more like that these days than I used to be. Thankful I mean. And I'm good with my own story. It's not big. But it is great.
Oh yes...This post needs one more thing. I am intensely thankful for Monique. She is a bright star. A separation from her would be like ripping skin from my body.
I am profoundly thankful for her and I am profoundly thankful that I get to keep my skin.