Predictions

At the beginning of each year does anyone have an inkling about where they'll go by the beginning of the next year? I don't. I never have. The first day of kindergarten I had no idea about the first day of first grade. My first day of college never clued me into the fact that it would be 8 years before my last one. The first day I met Monique did not bring with it a vision of the day I would marry her which could not predict the days that would follow.

Yesterday I awoke and touched my wife's skin.

I believe I've come across a mantra, more like the mantra found me. Her body has aged, but her skin...I know it. I used to go outside in the morning and touch the dew. I couldn't feel much on my feet, but I could feel the cool of the dew. I knew I was alive in the morning. It is the same now. I'm desperate to acknowledge those who've lost their spouses. It's got to be as if your own skin were ripped from your body.

I worshipped yesterday. The band played their music. I realized I hadn't played my guitar in months. I couldn't. I couldn't seem to find my voice. I missed my guitar yesterday and realized, on a day I couldn't have predicted before the day happened, that I'm ready to play again. Music remains constant. Someone always plays. I want that.

Miracles are not a mystery. Neither is music. Neither is nature. God doesn't make it difficult to see him. It's more difficult to believe there is no God than to believe he exists! Touch skin, listen to music, hear words, touch the leaf of a tree, put fire to logs...those who can't see Him are rendered unexcused. And all of this shall be in communion with others. Sometimes someone else's voice guides you to your own genius...at least the place from where you shall make your own stand, and that with others.

Sometimes the mystery isn't whether you'll stand, but when. But then, just because I wasn't playing guitar doesn't mean I'd missed my life, or wasn't standing within it. What is Jesus doing?

Monique asked me what it was about her skin? I told her that I've tracked all my unpredictable days with one constant--from one touch I can tell whether she is sore, calm, stressed, satisfied, in love. I mean it. I know from her movements, the sound of her sigh...even the day when she existed at the tip of her breath, a strangled gasp. I know her because I touched her. I fiercely love her and, in all her days she will know what that means, simply because I touch her. She knows that each morning she leaves the house, that her bridegroom bears little wealth or worth until her worth has been tended and realized. There's consistency amongst the unpredictable.

I don't know my days. Heck, I didn't know it would take 20 years for the L.A. Dodgers to make it to the Division Championship nor did I understand it would take 30 years to realize my dream as a motorcyclist! I thought I knew that my company would be up and running by now, but instead it will be soon. God does what he does. It's awesome that I could tell and hear my family's stories last week. I was reminded that I've wanted a motorcycle since I was 15 or before that even! I know more about my Dad's experience from Viet Nam. I know more about my sisters' lives and about my mother's health. It's fantastic that I am allowed to enjoy small-talk--even very small talk. The weather IS nice today and I don't mind telling you that you look good today. Your teeth are white and yes, I did sleep pretty well last night, thanks. We should talk, even if the words and the topic are small. Life isn't always made up of a constant barrage of big words.

It's pretty sweet that I and friends and family get to enjoy a little October baseball with our favorite teams. It's a sweet thing to hit the road on two wheels. I played a few chords today. Indescribable. Words and lives mean nothing unless you're willing to share with them...protect them.

I can't predict any of my days, and some things are constant. They intermingle somehow. I don't have an angle on predictions, but if you know me then trust me. Learn how to enjoy God in all things. I haven't...I couldn't predict that either. But I know from experience that it's worth it. Enjoy God.

I never say as much as I want, nor do I often write as effectively as I know how. Either way, I touch my wife's skin, then I step outside and Lord willing, I see the light.